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Arrival

“Welcome back. It’s lovely to be with you again.”

“Who…”

“Did you learn…”

“What? Where am I?”

“Do you feel like you’ve grown? Developed?”

“Who’s saying that Where am I?”

“You are here.”

“Where is here?”

“Here is where you are.”

“Stop playing games. Where am I? Why can’t I see? Why can’t I feel anything!”

“Oh. Because you’re waking up.”

“Waking up? I was asleep?”

“Sort of.”

“Can you please stop. Stop playing games! What time is it?” Am I at home?”

“The time is now.” And you are exactly where you’re meant to be.”

“What does that mean! Who are you?”

“I am like you.”

“What, like the voice in my head?”

“Not quite…”

“Right. Thanks for the clarity.”

“And you are like me.”

“What does that even mean?”

“You are everyone and everything.”

“Everyone and everything? Wha…”

“Yes.”

“Wow, I must have hit the jackpot.”

“You are the jackpot.”

“Oh, fuck off!”

“Ok.”

Awakening

“Hello?”

“Hello!”

“Sorry.”

“That’s ok.”

“Can we start again?”

“Always.”

“I can’t feel anything, but I’m not in pain. I don’t know where I am and I can’t open my eyes, but I know who I am. I’m Jay Buckley, and the last thing I remember is being hit by a car on my bike.”

“You can’t feel anything or see anything because you’re waking up. You’ll be a little more yourself soon. You were Jay Buckley and Jay Buckley was hit by a car on his bike.”

“Am I dead? Am I in heaven, or…”

“No to both. Jay Buckley died, but you are very much alive. And you are not in heaven. Or the other one. You are here and everywhere. I appreciate that’s difficult to understand right now.”

“But I have died. I am in some sort of afterlife right now?”

“You cannot die. You are eternal.”

“So I’m not Jay Buckley?”

“You are and you were. You were reborn as the human Jay Buckley. After his body died, you came back here. Jay Buckley was, and he lives on, within you. He is part of you now.”

“So what about my wife – Suzie? My parents? My friends.”

“Jay Buckley’s family and friends are still on Earth, living their lives, moving forward; currently, while mourning for Jay Buckley.”

“Can I see them? Are they ok?”

“Their pain bodies are active at the moment. But they are ok. They love Jay Buckley dearly. And yes, you can see them. When you can see.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Growth

“Sorry about that.”

“What’s that?”

“Getting confused and, well, a little bit angry and frustrated.”

“No apology necessary. All part of the process. You usually come back confused, but you don’t swear often.”

“Usually?”

“Yes, usually.”

“You’re saying this isn’t the first time?”

“This is the one hundred and seventeen billion, two hundred and eighty-nine million, four hundred and twenty-nine thousand, seven hundred and fourteenth time.”

“How many!”

“One hundred and seventeen billion, two hundred and eighty-nine million, four hundred and twenty-nine thousand, seven hundred and fourteen.”

“You mean…”

“Yes. That’s how many times you’ve lived a life on Earth.”

“Wow…”

“Indeed.”

“That’s a lot.”

“You’re doing well.”

“I’m not done then?”

“Not yet. There’s still a lot you can learn.”

“Learn? What am I learning?”

“As much as you can.”

“Why?”

“So that you can grow. Learning is growth.”

Reflection

“Is it always you – who greets me?”

“Always.”

“You’re like my guardian angel?”

“Sure.”

“Thank you.”

“My pleasure.”

“Thank you for letting me see my… Jay’s family and friends.”

“You are most welcome. It usually helps.”

“It was strange, seeing them from here, but comforting.”

“I’m glad to hear that. I noticed you…”

“What’s that?”

“Communicated with them. Did that help?”

“Oh, sorry. I hope that was ok? It was just a few lights and, moving mum’s slippers for her… And, oh, touching her hair… And comforting Meryl that time. He looked like he needed some help.”

“That’s completely fine.”

“Playing with the television was funny though. I think they knew it was m… Knew it was Jay.”

“It was. And I’m sure they did. And I’m sure they found comfort in it… Once they found the remote controller.”

“Jay Buckley’s life was hard.”

“Sorry for the pain. You must have learned a lot though?”

“I did. It was a strong experience.”

“It’s almost time for you to go. It has been so lovely to be with you again.”

“Already? But I’ve only just come back.”

“There’s still a lot to learn. Lots more lives to live.”

“Can I choose who I am at least?”

“You’re going to ask to be David Attenborough again, aren’t you?”

“I’ve been David Attenborough?”

“You’ve been everyone. Everywhere. Every time. So far…”

“I was David Attenborough – seriously?”

“Who else. It’s only you here.”

“Hold on. Only me?”

“Yes.”

Realisation

“So, I’ve been everyone? I am everyone on Earth?”

“Exactly.”

“Even Donald Trump?”

“Even Donald Trump. You learned a lot from that experience.”

“I bet. So, can I be David Attenborough?”

“I’m afraid not. You’ve learned from that life already. This is a journey. And there’s still a way to go. It would be a lot longer – and a lot less fruitful – if you kept being David Attenborough. As nice as that would be.”

“How long will this all take then?”

“On Earth? That depends on how quickly you progress. How quickly you learn. Humans continue until their 54th Century. How it ends is up to you.”

“That’s when we… when humans survive until?”

“Yes. That’s when this ends. This chapter, at least.”

“That’s a long time”

“Not really.”

“What happens when it ends?”

“That depends.”

“On what?”

“On you. If you’re ready by then.”

“And if I’m not ready?”

“There’ll be somewhere else for you to learn.”

“Somewhere else? Like, another Earth?”

“Sort of.”

“So, people on Earth go the way of the dodo in the 54th then?”

“Pretty much. But dodo or not, that doesn’t really matter.”

“It doesn’t matter if humans survive?”

“Survive what?”

“Life. Existence. Y’know, being.”

“You are life. You are existence. You are being. You are humans.”

“Whoa.”

“Whoa indeed.”

Preparation

“Will it be as difficult as Jay Buckley’s life this time?”

“It may be. That depends on you.”

“I have a choice down there?”

“You do.”

“Then how do I make it so that I can go with you by the end… By the end of Earth?”

“By growing. By becoming.”

“Like, realising that it’s all, what? A game? That I’m essentially running through a simulation?

“That’s a small part of it. And I prefer to call it a journey.”

“But I won’t remember to remember when I’m down there again, will I? I won’t remember this conversation with you?”

“No.”

“That’s tough.”

“Life is hard. But it’s meant to be.”

“Fair enough.”

“That’s the spirit.”

“Right, come on then. Let’s go again. Let’s do it.”

“You’re magnificent.”

“Really?”

“It truly has been wonderful being with you again.”

“Even though I’m not all me yet? Even though I’m part Attenborough, part Trump, and in a bit of a daze up here.”

“Especially so.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. See you soon.”

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“Is… Is everything… Is everything ok? I can’t hear crying. Is my baby ok?”

“Everything is fine, Suzie. You’ve done so well. No more pushing required…

“Congratulations. You have a baby girl… She’s beautiful.”

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